I spent the next couple weeks in and out of acupuncture and physical therapy. The swelling had subsided a bit but I was still in pain. So much for staying paddle fit before Italy.

Needless to say I was bummed. Everyone kept asking what I was going to do about my trip — of course I wasn’t going to cancel, I said, there’s friends, good food, incredible landscape — and it is Italy after all, even if I couldn’t paddle. If I were being totally honest though, I pretty much assumed I’d be good to go.

After a couple days roaming around Florence, I met up with my friends where Jacques Gilardone picked us up to head to Valsesia. We started out with the Sermenza, which had a nice warm up before we got to the gorge. I’ll be fine, I told myself. But I wasn’t. I put on the river, attained upstream to get a few ferries in before we headed down. My elbow felt awful. Every stroke It ook was painful. I walked back up to the car, got someone to help me load my boat, and drove down to takeout. My eyes filled up with tears I refused to let flow. We all had some lunch, and later on back at the house, I iced my elbow, took some ibuprofen, and told myself I’d try again,next time on an easier section. The Sesia River has about 35 km of boatable whitewater, so I knew I had options to test out my elbow on something less technical and with lower consequences.

The next day after my friends had finished their lap on the Alpine Sprint, we paddled the Classic section of the Sesia, a beautiful class III stretch of river. I kept it mellow, and by the end of therun, my elbow wasn’t feeling too bad. Maybe I just needed this warmup, I told myself. The next day we went to the Alpine Sprint, a continuous class IV section with lots of tight moves and great boofs. With the first bow draw, I began to feel more pain in my elbow. I was afraid of hitting a rock, especially since even my elbow pad put too much pressure on my elbow, I had opted out of wearing them. I un-stylishly got down the river, and again felt water pooling up in my eyes. This was not the kayaking trip I was hoping for. But I told myself again that maybe I just needed to ice it more in the evening, warm it up better in the morning, that maybe it just needed another day. Clearly it should be improving. After all, my friends call me Wolverine because I tend to heal quickly from injuries.

After an off the water day where we all hiked to an incredible vista high above Campertongno, I decided to give it another go. We went to the Sesia Gorge, a section that is only typically runwhen the water is super low. The level was on the low side but not low low, so we were advised to scout every rapid in the boxed in canyon, which we were glad we did. In the end, we portaged three times but the gorge itself was stunning and a great adventure. Unfortunately, even with that small amount of paddling, my elbow still hurt.

This was not the trip I dreamed of but I couldn’t keep pushing it — the margin for error was slim. After Italy, I would be back in California to train the new instructors, then North Fork Championship, followed by a month long paddling trip to Norway. After that, I would be back in Cali to run my kayak school for the summer season. I realized then, I had to play the long game.

As a coach, business owner, director of a nonprofit, and a 52 year-old athlete, I have a lot at stake. Injuries take longer to heal, and being out of commission doesn’t just mean missing a few days boating. So I made the call — no more Alpine Sprints, no Sermenza, no Egua, no Sorba. No more paddling in Italy this trip. Period.

There are big expectations surrounding trips like these — the rivers we want to paddle in a limited amount of time, the difficulty of whitewater, etc. Sometimes it’s not an injury that dispels these hopes, sometimes it’s water levels, weather, or logistics. We build these trips for weeks, months or even years. We tell our friends, watch videos, study the guidebook, and by the time we put on the river, we’ve already paddled it a hundred times in our minds. So when reality doesn’t match that vision, it’s easy to let disappointment cloud our experience. We stop seeing what’s actually in front of us because we’re too busy grieving the trip we imagined. For some of us, missing runs isn’t just disappointing, it can feel like a small loss of self. To let go of that feeling doesn’t come easy, at least not for me.

But I’ve come to realize over the years that there is so much more to river trips than just the paddling. It’s driving up and down valleys, laughing in the car, exploring new places, hanging out at takeout, and nights under the stars around a campfire. I think sometimes in the quest to paddle, paddle, paddle, it’s easy to forget the core of why we do what we do. So many of the best memories are the things that happen off the water, the friendships we make, and the places we are privileged to experience.

So while this wasn’t the kayaking trip I expected, I decided to focus on the positive, after all I was in a magical place surrounded by amazing people. Plus I shored up some great shuttle karma by driving my buds up and down the river. More river days are ahead, including a return to Valsesia next spring.

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Melissa DeMarie is the owner of California Watersport Collective, a paddlesports school based in Northern California, and Executive Director of Riverbound, a nonprofit dedicated to providing access and opportunities for all to enjoy our waterways.

IG @cwwcollective | FB @cwwcollective | @melissademarie
Web: cwwcollective.com | riverboundoutreach.org
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